At some point in Cherub’s first few weeks with me - I can’t remember the exact moment, but it was probably at 2am when i was stood in the freezing cold November rain praying she would go to the toilet, or in the park when she’d totally ignored my pleas to listen to me - I wondered if I’d made a terrible mistake.
I’d dreamt of having a dog for so long, done all the research and watched all the videos, I thought I was so prepared. And then Cherub arrived, and instead of the joy I’d imagined, I felt overwhelmed, exhausted, and like I was failing at something I’d been so sure I would love.
It turns out this is common. A 2024 study from the University of Helsinki found that 45% of dog owners experienced significant negative feelings during their dog’s puppyhood. Another survey by ManyPets reported even higher numbers: 70% of puppy owners reported symptoms of anxiety, depression, or both - this is what they call the puppy blues.
At the time, I had no idea how common this was. I thought I was uniquely failing at something everyone else had enjoyed.
What It Felt Like
The exhaustion was relentless. Not just from broken sleep, though that was part of it, but from the constant vigilance: watching for signs she needed the toilet, listening for chewing sounds or trying to figure out why she’s crying. I was moving through the day with this low-level panic humming underneath everything.
The Helsinki study identified three main factors that contribute to puppy blues: anxiety, frustration, and weariness. That matches what I felt - the self-doubt about whether I was doing any of it right, the frustration when nothing seemed to work the way it did in the videos, and the tiredness that made everything harder.
One of the hardest parts was the communication barrier. Cherub and I were speaking different languages. Now, I know exactly what she’s trying to tell me - the specific noise that means she needs the toilet, the side eye that means she’s unhappy about a noise from outside, or even the too long of a silence that means she’s up to mischief in another room. Back then, I couldn’t decode what she needed, and she couldn’t understand what I was asking. It was exhausting trying to bridge that gap when I had no idea if I was getting it right.
The Pressure I Put on Myself
I’d watched so many training videos before getting Cherub, probably too many. I’d tried to understand every approach and I felt so prepared. Then Cherub didn’t behave like the puppies in the videos, and I felt like a complete failure, like I was doing everything wrong and she’d never get it because I couldn’t teach her properly.
On top of that, Cherub is a Miniature Schnauzer, a breed known for being stubborn. So when people would tell me “if you let them do it once, they’ll always remember it,” I took it to heart.
Except she could unlearn it, and although she still tries her luck to get away with mischief, she does understand what I’m asking of her. But the anxiety that one slip would define her entire future behaviour was exhausting to carry.
And then Cherub developed lead reactivity, which I hadn’t anticipated at all. That added another layer of difficulty to an already overwhelming situation. I’m going to write in more depth about that experience soon, because that was a whole other set of skills to learn, but at the time, it felt like confirmation that I was failing.
What Actually Helped
Looking back, there are things I wish I’d done differently, and things that definitely helped.
Lowering my expectations
I had to stop comparing Cherub to the well-behaved dogs in the park - I’d spent too much time online looking at perfectly behaved puppy videos, and it did me no favours. Instead, it helped to notice tiny improvements - she slept an extra hour, she walked a few metres without chewing on the lead, she settled in her crate so I could finally drink some water.
Rest for both of us
Puppies need far more sleep than adult dogs, between 16-20 hours. Once I started scheduling naps throughout the day, Cherub’s behaviour became much more manageable. She was much less chaotic when she was awake, and when she was asleep I got breaks from the constant vigilance. An overtired puppy is impossible to live with, and an overtired owner has no patience left.
I also started doing full rest days with Cherub, where she would go outside only for toilet breaks, and then we’d train, play, and do other kinds of mental stimulation in the house to tire her out. Rest days caused the greatest shift in her behaviour. Research shows that when dogs face multiple stressors, cortisol buildup can take several days to dissipate. The idea is that having a low-stress day allows that accumulated cortisol to leave their system, so they’re not going into the world already over-stimulated. They can actually listen, process what’s happening around them, and respond to you instead of being in a constant state of reactive overwhelm.
Asking a friend to come over to watch the puppy so you can have a bath or go for a run makes a lot of difference mentally. If you have someone who can watch your puppy overnight so you can have a lie-in once in a while, even better.
Building routine when everything felt chaotic
A lot of people find that setting consistent times for walks, feeds, training, and naps helps their dog learn faster. It gives them a sense of security - they know what’s coming next rather than existing in constant vigilance against an unpredictable schedule. It builds predictability, which dogs thrive on.
Finding people who’d admit it was hard
Knowing other people were struggling too helped me realise puppy blues didn’t mean I was a bad owner or that I didn’t love Cherub. Luckily, Louise - MUTTS’ co-founder and my best friend - brought home her dog Chicken just a couple of months later and went through something similar. I was lucky to have someone close to me who understood. If you don’t, finding those honest conversations - whether online, in the park, or even at the pub - can really help. I found that when I was honest about how hard I was finding it, people often opened up too.
Training
I found that persevering with short training sessions at home gave Cherub more impulse control, more focus on me, and improved our bond. It helped her become a calmer, more confident dog as we grew to trust each other.
Getting support with training
If you’re struggling with specific or concerning behaviours - house training isn’t progressing, your puppy is struggling with separation anxiety, resource guarding, or reactivity - a good trainer can make an enormous difference. When I found an amazing trainer, they helped with the practical challenges I was facing, but they also reassured me that what I was doing was correct. That validation was extremely helpful for my mental health.
How Long It Lasted
Research shows that for 20% of people, puppy blues last less than a month; 31% reported one to five months; 30% reported six months to one year; and 19% reported over one year - meaning the majority of people struggling, resolve that within six months.
For me, it was somewhere around the one year mark when I realised I hadn’t felt that overwhelming panic in a while. It was a gradual change until each day was more like the life I’d dreamt of before getting a dog, we’d started to understand each other and really bonded with each other.
Where We Are Now
The difficult start didn’t predict how things turned out, and I can’t imagine life without her now, which is something I could not have imagined when I was sitting on the kitchen floor at 2am wondering if I’d made a terrible mistake.
If you’re in it right now - exhausted, overwhelmed, wondering if it will ever feel different - it will, though maybe not today or next week. But it will shift, and you’re not failing. You’re just learning each other’s language, and that takes time.
